sighing a lot is really bad...though i knew about it but still i can't stop the habit whenever i feel so depressed n tired with my chaotic life

i couldn't enjoy my 1 week break peacefully even for one whole day...just when i returned home last Saturday, my aunt called me for being as her helper & day caretaker of my sick old bachelor uncle who has a very sick heart =___=' i've been used by them till their fullest content as their driver AKA chauffeur without considering my feelings, tiredness & been burdened with tonnes of assignments from my baka lecturers!! the reason - it's my turn to serve them since i moved to Penang...duh! what about other nephews n nieces?? not to mention their own siblings!? i heard with my own ears some of them have more free & relaxing time than me n even have plans to travel in Indonesia for holiday?? *chikusho!!* n all of my assignments have been delayed purposely bcos of this??? *mad* this is so unfair...*ROFCOL*

yesterday noon when i was waiting for my uncle's doctor call to have his heart scanned, i received a call from my mama that my father had been admitted due to acute gastric...this whole incidents made me @__@' i bet my blood pressure has risen drastically...i was so tensed of thinking too much...aduyaaai~ n thus, migraine has attacked me

oh how i wish for a long break & enjoy traveling in Japan now with my friends...i've started my big money saving project for my dream of having long vacation in Japan...onsen~ i need their refreshing onsen~! and also Japan's otaku stuffs, events & merchandise!! o>__<o nyuuuuu~

Hello again!! *waves madly* no update for almost 1 month..! tsk tsk tsk...bad me...Ah! excuse for being such a retard TT___TT gonna push all the blames to my internet for behaving crazily for all this time...Yo Telekom Malaysia! wotcha gonna do about it? ur so called greatest broadband Streamyx is not reliable anymore daa :P but exceptions in downloading torrent files & other downloads though it was a bit slower now *pouts*

What was I doing all this while~?

### studied my beginner-1 Japanese language XM n been so nervous for d oral test but ('alhamdulillah' my praise to Allah) i did d best i could though i've aimed for 100% mark..so now already got 1 piece of certificate of successfully pass d 1st level...now i'm studying for 2nd stage beginner before pursue to intermediate *shivers*

### a week after Japanese XM, i went holiday for 3 days with my family, my cousin's and a sick aunt who needs her relaxing days from the hectic things happened @ her home

### a week after, had to sit a gov body (SMIDEC) test for d post i've applied from them =___=' i had been study like hell that almost coz blowup to my brain with limited time given (2 days only!) all about economy, politics n current issues of national n global but d questions (essay writings) asked were very unexpected! *fainted*

1st question was asking me to state my opinion (agree/disagree) about the situation whereby in nearest future internet will terminating d face-to-face contact between customers n servants

2nd question - childhood is the happiest time of a person's life, give ur opinion with specific examples n reasons... O__o' wth? does this has anything to do with economical officer post which i'm desperately applied n hoping for it?

d rest as usual: personality test *this 1 was very psychotic*

### been emo n tensed up, asked a friend to stay over @ my house n doing some enjoyable things ((psst! - especially related with BL/yaoi!! :mwahaha:)) also introduced & encouraged her to correspondent with my Japanese friend Ms. Suzuki Yuuko (initially she is my cousin's friend) who lives nearby with Crayon Shinchan's mangaka O.o well that's interesting n the best part is she's also an otaku especially shounen manganimes (her fave is GINTAMA! that's why i insisted to let my friend befriending with her) XD XDD if u guys can guess who was d "friend" whom i'm talked about, u're really TENSAI!-genius!-

### manganime downloads (latest: found a torrent link to download RE movie Degeneration!! LEON!! *yipee!*) n finishing up the Gazette fanart which i promised to a friend who is still waiting ^^ ehee...gomen ne polka.prince

### replying penpals' letter: Suzuki & Kabuto which had been pending for so long =___= *gulp...gomen!*

### replaying my PS2 games Castlevania - Lament of Innocence coz i wanna try to recap its ending since I got stuck n no idea to proceed in the other Castlevania game - Curse of Darkness T___T poor Hector the hero! i'm playing those games while waiting for the rare n unusual game "Shin Megami Tensei Lucifer's Call" (Nocturne in English version) which i wanna borrow from my BL partner-in-crime : onegaishimasu Hachidaime yo! >.<'

### playing yaoi rp to improvise my English writing with my sweet beloved senpai GuardianHeart ^^ seems so wrong eh? *picky nose* LOLs lalalaa~ who cares as long as i'm enjoying it *dancing* personally i think it's very normal for a normal n healthy woman like me to enjoy anything pertaining BL with other fangirls (especially) >___< but it scares me a bit if with fanboys *shivers again*

### sentimentally reminding of my 1st ex when i read Chizuru lyric (English meaning):

Your letter contains nothing but illegible signs
Therefore I want to meet you to hear the words from you
I won‘t accept the white, only a sigh echoes

If I understand the colors of the sky I‘ll get saved
I also want to forget the unsteady breathing someday
But despite the wish for strength I‘m searing

「the morning I‘m averting」 when you‘re singing that song thorns accompany my sleep
Restraint entwines around my body
Even the mind seems to sleep
Your cheek touched the fever, longing and smooth
When looking into the shadows of the blurry gap (I see) the warm colors of a dream

My eyes reflect your image
Even though the day when loosing sight of you will come
You‘ll always stay right in front of my eyes
At days when the sunlight shines through the treetops
I won‘t be at your side anymore

The blurry white trembles
And I also forget your words
Whereto are tears flowing?
You‘re calling my name
Even though I‘m about to break you‘re holding me tightly in your arms
I‘m afraid to go

Where are you singing your song for me?
My ears can‘t hear it anymore but it‘s the echo of an unsteady heartbeat
Even the mind seems to sleep
It‘s the remaining fever which doesn‘t allow me to remember
When looking into the blurry gap (I see) the cold colors of reality

Thousand tiny wings* (paper cranes)
Because of your wish they won‘t leave me alone
Without returning your smile
I count the memories with my sigh until the very last moment (appears)...

I hear your voice
in the dawn when everything will be nothing
「The one thing we can‘t be together」




...that dude really had guts to cheat on me with some other useless bitches..all of my kindness, love, loyalty n care towards him were like nothing but trashes..i was so dumb waiting for him to return b4 though i had asked; requested for the break off 1st *gloomy* oh well..that has been my long history *sweep the bad memories aside*

eeep!!? *yelp* i've already type this long!? gotta stop now n going into slumber XD XDD *dreaming of manganime bishounens*

#1 - have been sick for almost 2 months thanks to asthmatic & coughs & cold...luckily my voice is recovering & getting better...or else, i'll become mute =___=' yada ne~

#2 - next Saturday i'll have japanese language xm...though it's only beginner level-1, i dunno how in d world i became so nervous...probably coz they have oral test...i have no problem with the writing but speaking...*sweats* aargh! comes what may, i just have to face it! XP

#3 - got lots of drawing tasks especially for polka.price~chan (luckily has finished it) & my yaoi doujin projects *fainted*

#4 - i'm hardly to enjoy much onlining these days...my laptop & internet r going crazy on me >.< since i've became a heavy leecher (yeah, tonnes of new animes r out recently) my internet connection & speed have been haywire...very difficult to open webpages, forums & i miss my chat with my YM friends!!! =___='

#5 - very intend to turn into bitchy mode<<<towards some people whom i hold my furious grudge to =___=' bad me, but those bad asses are even worse...yeah i know it's not my place to judge but heck! they turned my life into such hell, i'm gonna make them suffer!! especially to a bitch named AIN, an UITM student aged around 19-21, whose family is living @ Serdang Jaya n gonna have her engagement this 22nd Nov 2008, haven't finish her study but this fucka is so fucking bitch hastily wanna get married on Jan 2009...i bet she had made a filthy fornication with her stinky BF n got pregnant n so a shotgun marriage b4 anyone discovers it??? go to hell already with ur mothafucka bitchy mom & siblings~ <<<a major hatred towards these fuckasses especially that bitch's mom, bitchest among the bitcherzzz

It's been so long I haven't update my journal here...*sigh* too many accounts makes me confused or rather turned me into a lazy bump...ikenee naa ikenee yo =___=' most of my updated journals are in my deviantart...I should have copy all those DA updates to my LJ as well...*smack my own forehead* O.o' aiyuuh...what a silly things i've done!

i would like to take this opportunity to thank my dear rival: polka_prince for helping me in decorating my LJ layout...hahaha! sorry iyin, took me so long to thank ya =___=' aah! wanna wish u Selamat Hari Raya too, bid me forgiveness for any sins i've done *sobs sobs*

I wanna wish Selamat Hari Raya to my yaoi gang too especially: maxchin, nizachi & zanzchi...gomen guys for ruining ur marvelous plan of gathering & break fast together TT____TT if only certain bitch doesn't mess up my life *sigh* how i wish that bitch could FGTH ASAP & let me n my family have eternal peace in life

My Raya holiday this year is not so enjoyable as the previous ones =____=' thanks to that bitch whom i wanna kill so much! Anyway, I guess I could enjoy myself downloading new anticipated animes: Junjou Romantica & Vampire Knight Guilty season-2 & also other yaois then XP it's time to be evil!! mwahahahahaa!

i'm bored until doing mp3 hunting together with my friend, niza...hahaha! we were searching & collecting weiss kreuz's OST mp3s & this surely brings us nostalgics when both of us were having weiss kreuz season during our early correspondence XD

thanks so much to niza 4 accompanying me to GACC event at Multimedia University Malacca although we had faced some difficulties there (MAJOR DIFFICULTIES THAT IS) which i will update later after i transfered all the pics taken into my laptop...anyway, for the 1st time in my life, i never felt this lucky!!! *cried out loud!*

yeah, the time finally has come...! we were heading there about 2.30PM (shoot! 30 mins delayed due to the difficulties mentioned above)...as we entered the exam hall after throwing curses to MMU, i saw this young guy were giving his speeches & answered some of the questions given by the MCs...i felt like my jaw has dropped, feeling awed seeing such public figure live; the moment i had set my eyes on him...yes, MASAKAZU MORITA-san is in front of my own eyes, on the stage, smiling kindly+friendly while delivering his talks, couple of times he mentioned that malaysia is very humid...atarimai desu morita-san, we can't deny that n that's why i would like to fly to japan with u *evil laughs*...he looked very kakkoi that time with his short hair!!! *squee dumbly* with niza's help (thanks for her 16+ cm height), she recorded MORITA-san with my newly-brought-video camera. ZOOM IN TIME!! *yeah, we were quite far behind from the stage*

for the next session, the MCs were calling out selected audiences to ask question directly to MORITA-san...i was closing the v-cam after take turns with niza when they were calling out 1st n 2nd lucky audiences but suddenly i heard they were calling "yue-chan" for the 3rd selected fan...i thought i was very familiar with the name but couldn't recap much...we were just waiting n see who's the person but nobody had showed up until MORITA-san said, "yue-chan, inai no??"...my heart had spoken to me 'DOKI DOKI'ly that name no doubt is my email name for yuekitochan@yahoo.com but my mind still saying NO! hesitating before they were calling out for 4th one...the name was a bit difficult for them to pronounce even for the MCs but i was expecting it must be a ridiculously long n nonsense just like my "aerayneserenazurin" for my rin11_pccg83@yahoo.com email...say whaddya know!? BULLS EYE! i hit the jackpot!!

they had trouble to find me coz i'm short yet standing quite far...i pushed myself rising my hands up, waving while yelling: "kocchi desu! kocchi desu!" n thus, hurried to the stage..my heart couldn't stop thumping n pumping quickly almost made me fainted (- -llll i couldn't believe this!! my question in email was selected & got the chance to throw question directly to MORITA-san! shiawaseeee~h! the MC hand me over a printed sheet of questions they selected b4...to my surprise, the name "yue-chan" indeed was mine coz i recognized the question printed as: "What kind of anime characteristics/features that you like the most to do the seiyuu stuff?" SHHHHHHHHH*****T!!!! i claimed to the MC that 'yue-chan' was me & asked him should i pick one or asked both questions to morita-san but the MC said just ask 1 only *cheh! ore no oubaka! if i knew it earlier i would've ask niza to go as yue-chan!! gomen yo niza!!* so i decided to pick aerayneserenazurin's question which was : "What are the most difficult challenges for Morita-san when carrying your duty as a successful anime seiyuu?"...got the chance to shake hands with MORITA-san, introducing myself, speaking directly to him face-to-face were making me damn nervous & freaking out even i couldn't hold the mic properly...HE'S EVEN MORE KAKKOI WHEN LOOKING HIM UP CLOSE!...my hands were shaking like hell (- -''' well then, Morita-san calmly replied my question to the public...during the explanations he sometimes made some of the anime characters' voice to show us how muzukashii (hard) it was to do different notes of sound of different anime characters' voice, especially the high note...he even shouted n made ichigo's voice for demonstration to his fans down stage (^_______^)v i was standing very near to him...huuhuuu!

however, the screwing feelings faded off little by little until the end when he finished his talking & hand me over some sort of postcard with ichigo & shirou-chan pic, autographed by him plus with ICHIGO's voice saying "ore wa omae wo shinjiru!" (morita-san's voice laa definitely) - "gekijouban bleach : the diamond dust rebellion edition!" *yatta!! super hyper bursting happy!* but too bad the marker he used 4 the autograph was not a good one that makes his signature is fading *cries* better keep it forever in the plastic to avoid the ink from disappear...then climb down from the stage n went back to find niza...oh niza!!! mmmuah mmuah! thanks 4 recording the valuable moments 4 me even though it's a short one! i was too nervous that forgot to teach u how to handle the v-cam...baka da na, ore wa...(stupid me!)...in the end, the MC requested morita-san to shout BANKAI for us b4 pursuing 4 autograph session! double SSHHHHH***TT! i missed that one coz only the fans with the seiyuu tickets are allowed to have him autographed on their own belongings...hell yeah, the tickets r already sold out.....*down* without waiting any further, me n niza hurried to the exit after get some last shots of Morita-san n we were heading to sushi king to release our frustration!

#waiting for the GACC next year's special guest announcement! better it be okiayu or any other famous seiyuus.....mangakas also preferred!

i can't help to suppress such happy feeling that my fave seigaku tensai's birthday is finally has come! syuu-chan, u must anticipating something happen between u n tezuka eh? *giggles* well, hopefully this can inspires me more to continue writing my PoT doujinshi script...*tied up head band* yosh! yudan seizuu ni ikou!!

*sigh* I couldn't understand why until now I feel like my heart is broken into pieces+has been stabbed by 1000s needles when I learned that 'he' already engaged with someone else although we're both already ended our relationship....Is it because that I am jealous? or Am I still loving him??? But why do I have to endure this suffering feelings alone??? pergh! He surely has changed a lot; drastically despite all the promises he had vowed b4 me longtime ago...oh well, I hope that he is happy with his own choice of future wife & let them have a blessing marital life....while I'll keep on filling my life with blissful yaoi stories of tezufuji & others, ne?

I'm really grateful to have such wonderful friends: of course zanzchi, niza, max n the yaoi fans in helping me to remain cheerful...arigatou minna! I'll be working hard to forget him & get him lost from my life forever.....*evil laughs*

owh...for today's work...it was really SUX! since I am in a state of mother plant insufficiencies, I was doing the washing & cleaning of the fungus-contaminated specimens in their respective jam bottles...uwaaargh! the smell of the fungi is so horrible that can make u feel nauseous instantly *even though I have protected my nose with a face mask* My fingers also almost burnt due the hot temperature of the bottles after done the 'autoclaving' (sterilization machine)...well, it is necessary to set the machine at a very high temperature in order to kill the fungus since the thing is so damn stubborn & hard to eradicate...believe me, I'm experiencing this everyday...they like to ruin my plant clone specimens & I really pissed off facing the same defaults each & every time....KUSO!

(-)counting days, hours, minutes & seconds for upcoming our dear PoT tensai's birthday: FUJI SYUUSUKE!! and MMU's GACC festival 2008

2nd of March 2008...this is the day when i will try my best to get at least a photo & autograph of Masakazu Morita (japanese popular seiyuu) who will be coming to MALAYSIA! to Multimedia University in Malacca for the "Game Anime Comic Circle" festival organized by MMU (multimedia university that is) at 2pm - 4pm...*glomps* but i can imagine the place surely will be crowded like hell & damn hot coz of bunch of peoples (otakus) coming & gathering until it will packed like a can of sardines....huh! i'm planning to go there with my 2 J-rock fanatic friends, Niza & Max...but i also hoping that zanzchi could join us too (- -lll ne zanzchi? r u working on that day? can't take couples of day-off 4 some vacations with us? (T_T)

before that, need to settle my things down 1st:
1-send my car for its 1st service (already reached over 1,000 KM of journey!!)
2-have my cloning herbal plant projects complete 4 this week explant supply *sigh* (lots of tough work there)
3-refreshing my idea, mind & soul for continuing my Prince of Tennis: TezuFuji script & doujinshi project (zanzchi! please forgive me!!! hontou ni gomen nasai!!)
4-etc.etc..(can't think of any coz already damn sleepy...owh! 2.05am already...no wonder laa)

well LJ, that's it 4 now...need to go for snoring...oyasumi nasai~

kurushii! (suffers) i'm suffering my old injury on my left knee again...! this is due to d accident happened 2 days ago when i was walking pass d laboratory where i'm doing my biotech practical & I SLIPPED! (T_T) i hit my knee quite hard on the floor n well, it's swollen today (- -lll stupid me, i should b extra careful whenever i walked after that 'makcik' cleaner had done the mopping..BAKA! BAKA! now i'm having problem to drive my car since it's already this painful...haaih~



feel like 2 b grumpy once in a while ~nyuuuuuu

alright...hopefully it is successfully posted since it took me ages to manage this thing